Hypersexuality and sensory seeking in bipolar mania and elevated states

I originally was going to write this blog and somehow wound up writing 6 other blogs about mania and mental health…everything BUT this. HA! There goes my wonky brain :/

I warn up front there may be some content some find offensive. However, I can’t fully address the issue without expanding on a few subjects within this idea of sex.

Many people have commented that hypersexuality must be great and they wish THEY had it! It’s funny how anything related to sex, people think is just the most amazing thing.

In reality, hypersexuality isn’t fun at all. I’ve been experiencing it to a huge degree lately and I hate it. Let me tell you why.

People envision being hypersexual as having the most or best pleasure when it actually does not bring pleasure at all.

In normal life, people can get sexual or sensual pleasure in lots of (healthy, non-morally ambiguous) ways. You can get pleasure from, say, kissing your boyfriend, or reading a risqué note from your husband. You can get pleasure from a nice body massage or receiving a “for your eyes only” photo from your wife. That’s normal sexuality, normal sexual feelings.

When you’re in a hypersexual state, the craving for pleasure is magnified hugely. And it is exactly that – a craving, at times an overwhelming, unbearable and unstoppable compulsion. Does it sound fun to have an unbearable compulsion that you don’t really want to give into but feel as if you can’t control? No. It’s horrible. It can be a super difficult battle.

I personally am a wife and mother. Granted my marriage is not great. But I am not the cheating type. I find it to be morally wrong, regardless of if my marriage is bad or any other factors. Not to mention I am also a Christian and I believe that cheating as well as sex outside of marriage (meaning, sex as a single person with another single person) is spiritually wrong. I believe we have a moral obligation to ourselves, to each other and to God to be morally upright and not slaves to sexual pleasure. As I mentioned there are plenty of healthy ways to express sexual feelings. But random sexual hookups, booty calls and inappropriate sexual behavior isn’t one of them.

So you can see how having intensely overbearing impulses to have sex with a stranger or to broadcast naked pictures or videos of yourself, or any related thing would be a huge moral conflict. Unfortunately, being in a hypersexual state is often accompanied by other cognitive dysfunction which can then lead a person to being ruled by the compulsion to act out. I can compare it to trying to restrain a wild bear with a cage made of cardboard. That bear is just itching to break out and the cardboard won’t hold indefinitely. If it somehow manages to, that cardboard will no doubt be shredded and crumpled in a heap at the end.

So it is with our sexual state when altered. Trying to bridle and restrain the compulsive sexual urges can seem impossible. It causes physical discomfort when in an extremely elevated state. The average man who goes without sex for long periods of time or becomes excited and then must stop sometimes complain about the physical discomfort of a heightened state of being aroused without getting a release. I would describe these hypersexual feelings for a woman as the female equivalent of that. It becomes physically painful to the point where a person feels they must have a release of some sort. It may be enjoyable at first to have that slight pain but after a while it is sheer torture.

Here’s the second problem. Even if you have someone to (legitimately) give you a release, most of the time, it IS NOT SATISFYING. Imagine it. That intense sexual craving, feeling that you need it or you may possibly explode, heightened to a point that will not “simmer down”. You expect you will have mind blowing sex, that you will release the tension and it will be glorious.

That’s not what happens. What happens is you have those sexual experiences and 30 minutes later…it’s as if it never happened. The horrible sexual tension and physical aching are there. What do you do?!?!? You feel like you must get it out. You need sex again…you need more of it. So you do. Annnnd….30 minutes later, the feeling is creeping up there again, tormenting you.

It is horrible, a feeling of intense need for release yet getting NO release, despite what you do, for how long or with whom. I believe this is why people with bipolar who are promiscuous behave in such a manner while elevated or altered. I personally do believe cheating is morally wrong and not acceptable to give into such desires. However, logically knowing and believing it does not stop the thoughts, feelings and compulsions. If a person DOES do something, it often leads to guilt and shame when “coming down” from the elevated state. Even if a person doesn’t do anything, there can be guilt and shame associated simply for letting the mind stray into inappropriate territory or entertaining the thoughts at all. The inability to control thoughts or feelings is a great cause of pain (emotionally), not pleasure.

In an early manic period I had, I recall the intense hypersexuality…dressing provocatively, flirting with anyone who came around, the whole deal. My husband and I had sex constantly for probably a week. Was it fun? No. It was awful. Because no matter what I did, the feeling DID NOT GO AWAY!!! I felt as if I were being slowly tortured. It reached a point where my muscles were physically sore and tired, I was raw and uncomfortable. Yet I STILL had this overbearing compulsion!!! Talk about agonizing. There was nothing good about it. Not. One. Thing.

I’ve been in a hypersexual state intermittently for a few weeks now, and much as all the times before, it is awful. I’d much rather go back to my normal state of hardly caring about sex at all to this!!! The cravings remain yet I know logically nothing I do will satiate them. In fact, a way I now try to control such compulsions is by thinking to the future. I remind myself how acting on any inappropriate sexual impulse ultimately leads to no reward. My body thinks it will, but my deep mind knows it won’t. I know the result will be: guilt, damage to relationship with spouse, damage to relationship with God, damage to self-esteem, embarrassment, a whole host of negative feelings and consequences that will last far longer than the sexual act (whether that be through text, email, video, or in person) would.

Trying to consciously fight the feelings away though is very exhausting. I have in the past few days begun taking anti-psychotic meds again because I have enough insight to realize that some compulsions I have are beyond my ability to consciously control.It just stinks.