Single Serve Society

 

Single Serve Society

 

I am really really tired of the prevailing attitude of humanity. People seem to be really lazy, or lacking in intelligence or intuition about life and our planet and the way they affect it. It frustrates me to no end because I MUST live on this planet among people and because of the overall attitude/way of life, it is almost impossible to be able to live the way I want to/people should.

It strikes me every single day, multiple times a day. The amount of waste that people produce just for a single home is astounding if you think about it. For the most part, in our country, people waste. We waste food, we waste electricity, we waste water. We waste resources, in general. Mainly this seems to stem from the desire of businesses and corporations to make money and make a profit from their items. Therefore, they use what is cheap, not what is BEST (for people or the environment.)

This morning when I brushed my teeth, I realized that I was almost out of toothpaste. Another plastic container, thrown away. I try to reuse as much as possible but truly, what can I do with a squeeze tube for toothpaste? I am at a loss, so into the trash it goes.

My kids are currently getting free school lunches from our school district due to the pandemic (they actually qualify for free lunch anyway, but the district is providing lunch to ALL children who want it, which I really applaud them for.) So we have started picking up the lunches and breakfast too.They are wonderful. Good food that kids want to eat, and so much of it. We are grateful every day to get the “mystery lunch sacks” as my children call them. We talk about how grateful we are and should be – that the food was given to us, that it is good food, that people went to a lot of trouble. Be thankful for the blessings.

But even with all that, I look at how much plastic waste there is from single serve items and it breaks my heart. People think I am ridiculous when I tell them it makes me sick to my stomach when I throw away plastic (since much cant be recycled and SO MUCH of the items we buy comes in plastic containers.) But the only thing I can think is where all this trash is going, and how much of a waste it is, truly.

There has to be a better way. People lived for thousands of years without plastic. Sometimes, the so-called advances of science and technology actually put people backwards. The waste that has been produced from: plastic bottles, medical supplies, item containers, shipping materials, food containers…. . . it just boggles my mind.

When my son was born 7 years ago, we started out using disposable diapers. Why? Because that is what had always been done in my generation. With my older daughters, now 12, I actually NEEDED to find good cloth diapers because of a condition my daughter had, and they were nowhere to be found. Yes I suppose I could have made some but I didn’t know how, or what to use. I didn’t want to make the skin condition worse. Luckily, a few years later, people started wising up and realizing disposable diapers are a stupid invention that hurts the earth. Reusable diapers started to become available and after a month or two with my son, I invested in those reusable diapers and was as happy as could be. They weren’t too expensive, they worked well, and I wasn’t hurting the environment. It was something to feel good about. He used the fabric diapers and we washed them until he was out of diapers around age 2.

 

There are ways. There are ways to do things better, smarter, healthier. But it is hard to, because society/businesses cram things down our collective throats. Our country is consumed by the throwaway mentality.We could come together and just get rid of the stuff that is harmful, but I doubt that will ever happen. Society has no interest, as a whole, in doing things better (unless it involves money). It saddens me greatly, and is yet another reason why I prefer to live in my own world, separate from people as a group. I realize my thoughts are in the minority. My overall attitude doesn’t match up to my peers.

I have small children, so it is unlikely I will be able to escape the throwaway world. I will still have to buy food from the store that comes in bad containers, and I will have to throw them away. (I started at one point to keep all the containers that could be reused, but after just a short while, we had such a glut of unused containers, I had no idea what to do with them any longer.) We still try to reuse and recycle anything we can. I have containers of old clothing/pieces of cloth for projects. A general “recyclables” bin where kids can put pieces of anything they find – plastic, metal, pieces from belts and shoes, broken toys, buttons, beads, paper tubes and wrappings, any number of items. But truth be told we can only hold so much. Eventually a lot of it winds up in the trash.

The using of safely burnable items doesn’t bother me nearly as much, or items that decompose quickly. Paper plates and napkins decompose fast, and don’t leave much of a mark, Plastic sits forever, ruining everything around it. Even food, although there is waste, decomposes extremely fast, and can leave little mark behind. So food & paper are the least of my worries. If I had a woodstove, I would be burning more. I do remember having a woodstove as a child, and we would regularly burn paper trash along with our firewood. Currently, I have built a firepit at the house I’m living in, and during warmer months, I can burn paper in the pit. At least that reduces our footprint some.

I think a large part of why people don’t recycle (or simply reuse) is because they don’t think ahead. They don’t think about the consequences of using these items and throwing them away. Out of sight, out of mind. Our last house was right behind a dump facility, and trash would regularly blow into our yard over the fence. A daily or weekly reminder of people’s waste. None of us is guiltless of this, but it’s a lot easier to forget when you simply throw it in a bag and its taken away. Out of sight, out of mind (except if you live by the trash dump, like us.)

I also think that people don’t look at the bigger picture. They want ease and convenience for themselves. They don’t think of the impact to other people or how it could be harmful. Also, “everyone else is doing it”, so it is the norm. In one college class I had, we discussed a similar topic and one younger student scoffed at her grandparents, who saved all their plastic butter containers, and other containers. “Why would anyone do that?” She asked aloud. Well, in my mind, there are a lot of reasons. But to a 19 or 20 year old who has grown up in this single serve society, I’m sure it seems super strange to save any containers. Why not just throw it away and get a new one? No thought to the repercussions for all.

When my daughters were small, we used to go to the library weekly and get books to read. One was called “A Spoon For Every Bite”. It was about a man who used a new (metal) spoon for every single bite he took. He accumulated a huge pile of spoons. Although the lesson wasn’t about waste, I couldn’t help but be struck how much this is actually like our society today. Selfish, wasteful, ungrateful.

I look forward to the future, to a day when I can fully control my life and the way I live. I’m leaning more and more to going “off the grid and providing for myself as much as possible. I’ve always had an interest in nature and going back to earth, to what has been naturally provided to us by an intelligent creator. Medicines and cures from our plants, light and heat from our trees. Furniture from our wood, clothing from our animals. Going back to the way things were supposed to be, before technology supposedly “enhanced” our world. Having meaning in life, being grateful, enjoying the work you have done to provide for and support yourself. The simple joys of watching the sun come up, eating food you helped grow, using medicines you created. My own world, my way. Far away from the waste and glut and capitalist consumer driven greed.

Motivations and Needs - Are all people just selfish?

So today I want to write about this idea of motivation. Not really People Who Are Motivated To Do Stuff (e.g. ambitious, driven) vs. People Who Are Unmotivated To Do Stuff (e.g. lazy, procrastinating), but more of internal motivations for what we do as human beings. I’m always digging down, down, down, to the root of things and believe that everything starts somewhere. And where do our motivations for doing (or not doing) anything stem from? Well, ourselves of course.

Now, it might be said that I am at times cynical. However, I like to think of myself as a realist. I think of being cynical as more hard and skeptical of everything, whereas being a realist means you see it as it is and accept that THAT IS JUST THE WAY IT IS.

As a realist, I try not to get my hopes up about things that involve others because ultimately I do understand human nature and that innately, people are generally selfish. Whenever I mention this, inevitably someone will say to me “Not everyone is like that!” Or something to that effect. But really, it’s true!!! It’s not cynicism, it’s realism. And I’m going to tell you why.

If we really examine the motivations that other people have to do things, it typically comes down to one thing: themselves. Now, I guess I can’t really criticize because I am a human and so whatever I apply to other people I have to, by default, apply to myself. If all humans are by nature selfish, that means my own motivations are also selfish. Kind of an unsavory thought, but I can’t make an exception for myself just because I’M ME! Right? (Although, that is what everyone does!) I like to believe I think a little different than the average person in that I’m 1) self-aware enough to realize these things and 2) I admit them. People really never want to admit to anything negative about themselves because ultimately it will skew their entire self-concept. So they apply it outwardly and not inwardly. But, I’m doing it both ways in making a generalization about humans.

Now, this question of selfishness and motivation especially applies in intimate relationships (and I don’t mean intimate as in just lovers, but friends and family members too.) Essentially, I have come to see that people are motivated by what they get from someone else, not by what they give to someone else. In essence, most relationships are futile and worthless if you really get down to the bottom of it. They fill a need that someone has and beyond that, I can’t really say much else. People are only as interested in you as you are in them. Maybe that’s why some intimate relationships work well, because there is a reciprocal need that keeps being fed by the other and it becomes a back and forth cycle. People tend to think of this as “give and take” but realistically, it’s more about filling our own needs than theirs. We give hoping we will get in return. And if we don’t, we becomes angry, resentful and may leave the relationship entirely.

So anyway, let’s throw a few examples out there about how all motivations come down to selfishness.

SITUATION #1: You’re at the park and you exchange numbers with a person you had an interesting conversation with. They call you and invite you to go do something, and you agree. You go and have a good time and enjoy each others company. Sounds good right? Yes? Not really. How come? Look at the motivation. What is the underlying motivation? Are you REALLY thinking about them? Are they REALLY thinking about you? No. You each want to be around the other because of the way they make you feel ABOUT YOURSELF. Maybe they make you feel smart because you’re able to talk about really complex topics. Maybe you make them feel witty because you laugh at their jokes. They like that feeling. You like that feeling. So you continue to see them. They continue to hang out with you because of the way you make them feel ABOUT THEMSELVES. It’s reciprocal, but only as long as you each fulfill that need in the other person. When that stops, the relationship tends to end.

SITUATION #2: You have a friend that you have known for ten years. Obviously, you know a lot about each other because of the amount of time you spent together. Your friend moves away and begins living a new life. You’re still in the same place, living your life. You’re so consumed with your own lives that your contact becomes more and more sporadic. First it’s a week, then two weeks, then a month between contacts. You rarely hear from them, so you don’t bother contacting them either. Eventually, you realize you haven’t talked to them in a year. Your friendship falls by the wayside. Why? You NEED them to listen to you. It really has nothing to do with them. And they NEED you to be there for them, and it isn’t much about you. Do they really care that your dog died? Probably not (well, maybe on a surface level but it really doesn’t affect them at all). They’re too busy worrying about how they’re going to manage their first summer with kids after their divorce and they NEED YOU to listen. Do you really care about how their work is going? Not really, you’re too busy concentrating on your GRE’s and you NEED THEM to listen. So is the friendship selflessly motivated? Not really. It all boils down to our own needs. Our friend stopped listening to us and we stopped listening to them and therefore, we are no longer friends.

SITUATION #3, Part 1: Let’s make this a non-relationship related one. Let’s say that you just want to do a good deed for someone. You know the local homeless shelter needs donations of blankets. You decide to hand make one just so that someone will have something soft, cozy and comforting. You drop it off and the person who takes it smiles and thanks you and can see how you genuinely affected their day in a positive way. You walk away feeling good inside, and you decide to make some more blankets in the future to give away. Why do you keep doing it? Because YOU got a good feeling from it.

Part 2:             Let’s take that situation and give it a different spin. You make your blanket and when you give it to the person, they glance at it disdainfully, spit tobacco juice on it and say “I wouldn’t give that to a dog!” You walk away feeling crummy and wishing you had never done anything. Are you likely to make more blankets and drop them off? No. Why not? Because YOU DIDN’T feel good about it.

So you see, people do things for themselves first and foremost. The idea of altruism is something I would like to believe in, but ultimately, all I really see is selfish motivations behind anything that anyone does, whether it has a good outcome or not. Because after all, I’m not talking about outcomes here. I’m talking about what motivates people to have relationships, or what motivates them to do ANYTHING.And that is: what they get out of it.

Now that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy people’s company, that you can’t have relationships, that you can’t ever try to do something nice for a stranger or let them do something nice for you. What it does mean is that you can’t expect people to A) always be appreciative and B) always be there for you when YOU need them.

In the end, all we really have is ourselves (and isn’t that all we really care about deep down?) Once we stop filling the needs of others (whatever they may be) we get replaced by the next person that will. And we do the same back. It happens to everyone, all the time. No one is perfect, infallible or beyond it. It is just a fact of life. Cynical? More like realistic.

I don't need fixing

I’m a roll with my blogging again. You know, I don’t think I’ve been this active on my blog since I first started it! I got really busy with my vlogging on YouTube and didn’t write much. I stopped journaling then also. Now I’m back into both and it is really fulfilling. I know YouTube reaches a wider audience, and I will still make videos but there is just something special about the written word…I don’t know why.

BEWARE!!! This post may be pretty triggering and upsetting to some. So, you have been warned.

So I’m going through a transition period. I’ve changed my YouTube channel name from Bipolar State of Being to Nicole For Real. Why? Because there is more to me than bipolar. Because honestly, I’m not sure I even view myself as “mentally ill” anyway. I don’t think I do. Being mentally ill implies that I have a disease, a “sickness”. Does having more intense moods than an average person qualify me as “sick”? Actually, in this country, yes. Sadly, I bought into it for a long time. I think I’ve gotten a lot of crap messages from people and society that told me I was defective and needed fixing. And I believed them. I thought I needed to fix myself, and I tried REEEEAAAAAAALLLLY hard to do that, to do all the things those people asked.

Grow a thicker skin and stop being so sensitive.

Quit being melodramatic.

Deal with it.

Quit complaining.

Take your meds.

Try harder!!!

Wow, so there is a lot to address there. Let me make a little list.

1)     Sensitivity. Sensitivity is not a character flaw, like many people try to make it seem. It is actually in many cases as asset. People who are sensitive, well, SENSE more. We feel more deeply, love more passionately, empathize wholeheartedly. I think most of this country at least, could benefit from a large helping of sensitivity. In ways it can be painful to feel such heightened emotions but it ways it is like enlightenment. So, do I believe I am flawed and need to “quit it”? Errrrrr, no. At times it causes me pain but at times it causes me intense joy.

2)     The med issue. Ok, this is huge and too big to get into it all now. But in short, I used to believe what everyone said, that I NEEEEED meds, that meds will make me better, that to be “responsible” I HAD to take them, etc. etc. etc. Never mind that they all had horrible side effects and a lot of the time, no real positive effects. But, you NEED them, “that’s what the doctors say!!!!” And we all know, the only people who are capable of making choices, being intelligent, or using their God given reasoning ablilites are doctors *insert sarcasm*. Certainly, “mentally ill” people have no right to challenge THE DOCTORS!!! Ok, so I didn’t. I deferred to them, the “professionals” I sucked it up, I ate the little white pills like a good girl should. Hmmm, those didn’t work. Try these. Now these. Now these. Now these. Oh, come on, one of these is bound to work!!! But…but…wait. Four years later, I wasn’t any better off than when I started! HUH????????

3)     Societal expectations. Alright so this is sort of a combination of the above two. Here’s how it works. We (the patient, the person, the one experiencing the moods, however you would like to describe it) have some difficulties functioning. We become depressed, or anxious, or Maybe suicidal. We, or others we know, insist that we seek help. What do we need help with? The terrible feelings we feel, learning how to deal with these feelings, trying to figure out what exactly we can do to STOP feeling these terrible feelings. We fit the criteria, and so we have a “disorder”. Now that we know we aren’t normal, and everyone else becomes aware that we aren’t normal, we have to do something. We have to fix it. We treat disorders by medicating them, right? 

So forgive me, I didn’t mean this to sound as scathing as it does (upon rereading) but it comes from a real anger.

So let me simmer down a bit and address in a more calming manner. What is my point here? My point is that people with bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, BPD, (indeed, most mental illnesses) just WANT TO FEEL BETTER WHEN WE ARE DOWN. At times, we are grasping at straws, just trying to keep our heads afloat (yeah, I’m mixing metaphors there.) Many of us are actually relieved to GET the diagnosis of the disorder because now we are validated, our pain has been validated. All those people who told us to suck it up have been thwarted, they don’t have a leg to stand on because the medical community tells them it is “real”. You know what the saddest thing is? That people, as a whole, are so insensitive, that they need the medical community to TELL THEM that depression/anxiety/intense moods are real!!! I guess that is the really staggering thing to me.

Our society seems to be shining the spotlight on mental illness more, and in previous times, it was helpful. After all, anyone dealing with any sort of mental issue knows that what we really want is validation, acceptance, love, caring, empathy, NOT to be turned into somebody else. And often (depending on the issue), this can help more than medication. Some medications have been shown to be almost totally ineffective, yet they are still prescribed and touted as the way to treat certain mental illness. DOUBLE HUH??? Why??? Because that is the current idea in society. Take the little white (or blue, or red) pills and your life will get better. That’s the message we all hear, and we have to believe because we are offered no alternative. And don’t even think about mentioning God or spirituality. You will be labeled as even more severely ill than before. Because no mentally sane person could believe in God! *insert more sarcasm* Here, take more white pills, quick!!!

Now, back to my harping on society, and how we want validation, acceptance, love and empathy. It is because WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS not because WE ARE “DEFECTIVE” “SICK” OR “ILL”. Every single person on earth wants those things, especially when they are going through hardships! I personally am really tired of the patronizing labels. Many people with mental illness are intelligent, talented, charismatic, witty, outgoing, sensitive, or a host of other positive attributes. It’s anecdotally known (and I’m sure that I could dig up research as well) that people tend to seek help when they are in low periods. During these periods we describe our lives in the blackest of terms because that is how we truly feel. But when the period passes, our energy comes back to us, we may be positive and cheerful and going about our daily lives as usual. Some things may be long lasting, but virtually no mind is paid to any sort of social factors in our lives that could be affecting us (Are we having marital problems? Job issues? Money troubles? Kids suspended from school?) No, it’s just because we are sick. If we took enough white pills, we could cope with our cheating spouses and being laid off and having insane debts and kids acting out. Darn it, we are weak, we have diseased brains, that’s why we have problems and we need those pills!!! (Oh, and by the way, here is half my salary to pay for the pills that run $600 for a month supply. I just paid $20 a pill to feel crappier!!! TRIPLE HUH???)

People really seem to fall into two camps when it comes to the mental illness issue. They think either A) it isn’t real and that people are exaggerating or making things up or B) it is extremely serious and that you must treat any “mentally ill” person with kid gloves, or like they are a child or invalid. Now, neither one of these is really correct. Granted, I’m sure there are some people who exaggerate (not just illness but anything) and I’m sure there are people who are incapacitated or unable to function independently most of the time. But I believe many “mentally ill” folks like myself fall somewhere in the middle.

So let’s take me as an example. I’m not even sure how “severe” I would be classified as. It’s like the saying “When I’m good, I’m REALLY good, and when I’m bad, I’m REALLY bad.” Is that an indicator of severity? Does having more “severe” moods warrant special treatment above and beyond a “normal” mentally ill person? Now we’re getting into weird semantic categories that just get murky and confused and have people battling within their own communities over who is “worse off”. Holy cow, that is not one I want to win (although, to my chagrin, I at once believed I needed to!)

I am in no way demeaning anyone who has a mental illness (as it is currently called). When I first started moving away from all these negative messages that society is meting out, I was met by hostility by many in the mental health community, which saddened me. I think they perceived me as blaming people with mental illness or as attacking them and saying “Man up!” But I’m not. I’m doing the opposite. I’m saying, by golly, we have been sold a lie and we deserve MORE than that. We deserve more than hollow promises by medical professionals, more than patronizing pats on the back. We want UNDERSTANDING. We truly want to FEEL GOOD and not BAD. I am tired of being DEFINED by an “illness”. We even are guilty of propagating it ourselves. Look at what I titled my blog for Pete’s sake! We call ourselves “bipolar people” “depressed people” “borderline people” “anxious people”. We are human beings. Bipolar is not me. I am not bipolar. I am Nicole. I have ups and I have downs. Maybe I'm a bit eccentric. I am creative and loving and yes, intense. But I am not broken. And I don’t need fixing.

(And if you don’t agree with me, and you think I am a wackjob, that is your preprogative. If you are happy with your meds and doctors, you have my full support. I’m not criticizing anyone who chooses to take this path or continue on it. It is a personal choice for each individual and up to them to decide whether it is worthwhile or helpful. If it is, I encourage you to continue and do not listen to me. I’m speaking my own personal thoughts and experiences, and what I have seen and heard within the online mental health community for several years.)

Irate at misinformation and ignorant characterizations of people with bipolar/borderline/mental illness!!!

It is scary how much lack of information or misinformation there is out there regarding mental illness. I think this is obvious to anyone who deals with these issues personally, but it never ceases to amaze me, no matter how much time passes. I think it’s getting worse in this age of technology. So many people post things online and anyone can access them and read them and think “Oh, this is the way it is” or “Oh, this is true.” Granted, truth is subjective in nature, depending on what you’re looking into. The “truth” of one person’s experience may not be “truth” to another person. I am all for sharing personal experiences because I think that is really how we all learn more about mental disorders and how the brain works and functions. If no one ever shared, very little would be gained. We would be subject to the interpretations (often wrong) of the doctors and authorities and those around us. That is why I think it so important for mental health patients to speak about their experiences, and to educate the public and educate doctors and clinicians as well.

I have noticed when I do research on mental health topics I find interesting, there is ALWAYS misinformation that pops up. Sometimes it is just a random opinion of someone that is inaccurate or ignorant. Sometimes it is information that is actually posted on what many consider to be REPUTABLE sites! A HUGE offender is the website “PsychCentral”. I have seen so much offensive, inaccurate, erroneous information regarding mental health on that website that frankly, it is scary.

I have also noticed several websites of private psychiatrists, psychologists and the like describing mental health afflictions like bipolar and borderline. I’ve been appalled at how many of these characterizations are over simplified or simply WRONG. I think this is due to a few things. 

A) These clinicians do not LIVE with these issues personally therefore they lack an inherent understanding of them and how they work or feel on an internal level. They use themselves as a reference point and assume that they know what all people are feeling or thinking when they don’t. They’re simply projecting their own thoughts onto others and making generalizations based on that. 

B) Their knowledge base mainly stems from what I would call “textbook knowledge” or what they learned while in graduate school. A person can have all the book knowledge in the world but without a deeper understanding and intuition into the area, they will not “get it”, they will not truly be able to piece things together on a visceral level or in a holistic way. I’ve dealt with many clinicians who even years into their profession, discussed disorders in a “textbook” way only. I liken it to male gynecolegists/obstetricians. Sure, they have some knowledge. But could they ever REALLY know what it is like to carry a child and give birth, and advise someone accordingly? Not really. Their answers will always involve “textbook” replies. They take a pre-set model (which may not even be accurate to begin with) and they then apply this model to their patients. If a patient presents differently, it is assumed it is the patient that is wrong, and not the pre-set model. I think in a way so many doctors today lack problem solving skills or critical thinking ability. They may be able to recite a long list of medications and textbook presentations of known illnesses but beyond that, they can’t really offer much. 

C) They have biases. Let’s face it. EVERYONE has biases whether they realize it or not. How we grew up, our religious (or lack of religious) views, our experiences with particular groups of people – these all influence our thoughts and opinions. The problem with bias is when it causes a person (or people) to make unfair generalizations about others. To say “People with bipolar disorder have difficulty regulating their emotions” would be accurate. I doubt anyone with bipolar would take offense to such wording. But to say “People with bipolar are angry and lack self-control” is not totally accurate. Are some people with bipolar that way? Sure. Is EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. with bipolar that way? Uh, no. People on the “outside” who are looking for information may take it as true and then THEY have a negative pre-set model in their head, if they were ever to meet such an individual. They would already have a preconceived notion and bias themselves, just because of what some random doctor said. (And while I’m at it, I just have to mention, they obviously aren’t even good doctors at all or they would know their characterizations were incorrect and lack sensitivity.)

It bothers me SO much because I think how an unknowing individual might go searching for information and what do they get? Search results with a bunch of garbage mixed in with some pertinent information or accurate/helpful insights here and there. I recall searching for information years back and being disheartened by it. It was filled with negative messages and despair about how the disorders were hard to treat, there was no cure, the people were “difficult” etc. All the horrible stigma surrounding them is actually in these cases increased by the very people who are supposed to be advocating for these people, their patients! If I read one more doctor talk about how “manipulative” BPD patients are and how they “lack empathy” I think I will reach through my screen and choke them (Oh, how BORDERLINE of me – I must be exhibiting some psychopathology by that comment! *note sarcasm*)

Characterizations like that convince me that these psychiatrists/counselors lack knowledge, understanding and even compassion, and have an inability to see their patients or anyone with a mental disorder as human beings. They are talked about as if they are mere things, like they are without feelings, consciousness or souls. And frankly, it makes me irate. Why? Because all people want to be heard and to be understood. And people who deal with mental health issues certainly don’t need people within the mental health field making them feel worse about the very things they are trying to work on or improve, or characterizing them in pompous, condescending ways. I can’t help but wonder why people get into this field if they lack that fundamental empathy and compassion for those they are supposed to help?

So, what happened to all the GOOD doctors in the world? Are there any left?