Bipolar mania, and wanting to claw my brain out

So guys, you want to know one reason why mania sucks? I will tell you. It’s having a million thoughts in your head that you know will take days/weeks to flush out sufficiently, yet wanting to complete them all RIGHT. THIS. SECOND. And not being able to! EPIC FRUSTRATION!!!!!

OH MY GOSH I feel like I want to claw my own brain out of my head. Weird description,eh? I recently returned from a family dinner and Spiderman 2 was playing and I couldn’t concentrate on the movie at all. Why? Because seeing all the flashing lights and hearing the thumping music made my mental state speed up and suddenly all these thoughts started coming to me. I began searching for information on various stuff online, and writing down all my mental notes in my phone (I do this often.) I wanted to come home and write all these blogs and make all these videos. But you know, it is 10:28 PM now and I there is no way I can write 14 blogs/make 14 videos and post them all in the next 2 hours. But I feel like I will explode mentally and physically if I don’t! Even weirder? I’m not even as elevated or altered as I have been this past week. It’s actually been much more intense than this. Here’s a look at my past week.

That is my pathetic 1 minute chart drawn with my daughters crayon because it was the closest thing to me. Hopefully it at least partially gets my current mental/mood state across to you all.

Why the steep drop? I took a low dose of some anti-psychotic meds and that brought me closer to “normal” after a couple days. I didn’t take it last night and I am halfway back up to where I began. Keep in mind, this is just an overview of the last week, nothing before that. My mental state has been erratic for awhile.