Well, it's almost 1 am and I can't sleep so figured I would post an update. Winter has set in and we've had crazy weather, warm with freezing rain so for a few days, no one has been able to go anywhere. It's making me even more stir crazy than I already get in winter, which is bad. I got some natural light bulbs to put in the lamps here to help my mood and energy. I think it's working a bit, however, I don't think you are supposed to use them into the night hours, which may be why I have insomnia right now!
Currently I'm dealing with ambivalence/apathy in a big way. I believe part of it is my medication. Truthfully, I haven't felt like myself in a long long time. Most days I just feel sort of "there" and this has been going on many months now. It's a crappy feeling. I think I've been confusing some of the way I've been feeling with depression when in fact some of it has been effects of the medication. I'm on Risperdal and Abilify right now, and I am going to talk to my doc about going off the Risperdal totally. As a side story, it originally made my hormone levels high...so high I started producing milk as if I were pregnant. Ewwwww. (I always seem to get the rare side effects). So I am supposed to only be on it now as a "placeholder" for something else. We did a blood test of my prolactin levels (hormone that makes you produce milk) and the normal range is between 10-40ish. My levels were 150. So yeah...that alone makes it not the greatest med for me. Add to that, it makes me foggy, confused, unable to concentrate, unmotivated and just overall "blah" and you can see why I want to go off it. I really am tired of feeling this way. I am ready to get back to myself again...the me before meds. I don't know if I can without stopping them entirely. It's something I've been contemplating a lot.
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