Going on my 6th med, lottttttttttttts of side effects

The weather here has been absolutely crazy. We went from 30 degrees and freezing rain last week (everything was closed and no one went to work for a few days because of hazardous conditions) to -30 degrees today. Oh my gosh….it’s COLD. Funny how when winter ends, we forget about how awful it was until it rolls around. I’m really hoping that this time next year, we’ll be moving to a warmer climate again.

As far as my mental state, I’m going on my 6^th, that’s right SIXTH med trial since my hospitalization. Ugh…I’m so worn out and frustrated. Not much seems to work and even if it does the side effects wind up being unbearable. My most recent med was Abilify, which I thought was working…well, then I started getting anxious, insomnia and this awful restless, jittery feeling like I could not sit still and wanted to crawl out of my skin. My counselor and psychiatrist told me it’s a phenomenon called “akathisia.” And it happens frequently on Abilify. Greeeeeeaaaat. Add to that the side effects I’ve had from Risperdal and I haven’t been doing too hot. So today at my appointment, my doc told me to go cold turkey. BYE-BYE ABILIFY! BYE-BYE RISPERDAL!

We’re going to go a week or so and then start me on a new med, Zyprexa. Risperdal, Abilify and Zyprexa are all in the “anti-psychotic” class of medication.

As a quick side note that is strange yet interesting and kind of gets me wondering, is that there are two classes of meds for bipolar “anti-psychotic” meds and “mood stabilizing” meds. The only psychiatric condition mood stabilizers treat, that I’m aware of, is bipolar. Anti-psychotics on the other hand, treat bipolar, schizophrenia, and schizoaffective disorder. I queried my counselor about why I keep taking the anti-psychotic type of meds rather than mood stabilizers, and she told me that it isn’t uncommon for people who have bipolar with “schizophrenic features” to be treated in such a way. It has made me think even more about the link between schizophrenia and bipolar, and it’s definitely an area I will be doing more research. The fact that I respond more to anti-psychotic meds than mood stabilizing meds leads me to believe that schizophrenia and bipolar do indeed lie on a continuum and that people have varying degrees of illness and can have multiple overlapping symptoms.

Anyways, Zyprexa is next. I hope that it works but deep down I’m worried that I will have negative side effects like every other med. So far, the list of what I’ve tried, in order, is as follows:

Lamictal – no side effects, but also did nothing and didn’t prevent me from becoming manic again

Risperdal – made me start lactating (ew), increased emotional blunting and feelings of ambivalence, lack of sexual desire, foggy confused sensation

Seroquel – paranoid psychotic/suicidal reaction

Lithium – nausea, vomiting, unbearable headache, shakiness, lethargy, muscle aches

Abilify – akathisia, anxiety, insomnia

As you can see, it hasn’t been a fun 7 months. But I’m trying to stay positive.