Puzzle Pieces

This will not be easy

This will not be quick

This is only a tiny grain of sand in a pail

The first baby steps toward making sense of this all

All the confusion and pain that I have masked, buried, ignored, projected and now finally

I must own it

I cannot live this way anymore

With everything I bury, I push myself closer to the edge

The feeling of spinning out of control

Eating me like a disease

And I feel so disgusted with myself, with everyone, with the world

That there is no escape

And I feel like tearing my body to shreds

I want to seep out and float away

But there is no way

This is only one piece in a puzzle

I must come to terms with what was

I must accept the things I cannot change

And change the things I can

I must stop pushing it down, down, down into the pit of my belly

Where it burbles and pulses and ultimately comes back up

More violently than before

I cannot let these feelings consume me

Like a devouring fire

Raging through and burning things beyond recognition

So I go back to the beginning

I must pull away all the pieces obscuring what is

I must face it in the light

I must let go

I must take back the power that was stolen

9/6/2013