Borderline

Love and hate

They seem like such simple concepts to grasp

Such basic emotions that we feel deep down on a fundamental level

We love the things that are good

And loathe the things that are bad

And it sounds so very simple

That no one could mistake one for the other

No one could confuse the two

But that is how I live

And where I exist

The love/hate dichotomy is one that makes no sense to me

And therein lies the problem

If I cannot separate out

Two such diametrically opposed emotions

How can I understand myself

Or anything around me?

I understand love

And I understand hate

Two opposite ends of a spectrum

That do not meet in the middle

So when I’m confronted with a situation

Where love and hate converge

I cannot understand, I cannot make sense of it all

Like being told it is night and day at the same time

Black and white

Logically I know it can’t be true

Rational thinking tells me so

But the feelings are still there

Co-mingling

And it has caused a split inside of me

With my mind fractured into a million pieces

A complete breakdown of function

The inner conflict unresolved

Left to roil and bubble

To stew and fester and eat at me like a cancer

Nagging and nagging

The two parts being drawn together, yet pushed apart

Like magnets

And everything I thought I knew is in question

Love and hate

Right and wrong

Good and bad

I do not know what is what

I cannot trust my own mind

It’s a torment that I live with

Day after day after day

Unending

Hating you and loving you at the same time

On the borderline

9/8/2013