Well, where do I begin? I have not been doing so well, unfortunately. Immediately after my last post things took a turn for the worst. I was only off medication for less than a week and I became suicidal. I laid up all night thinking about overdosing, but thankfully I didn't go through with it. The next day I was feeling the same way and emailed my husband about how I was feeling (since he was out of town working). He was concerned and called my dad, who then called me. He came over for awhile and my husband took the rest of the week off of work to come out and be with me since he knew I was in a very bad state. I basically cried for 3 straight days and sat around miserably, doing nothing but thinking of suicide. My dad and husband suggested I start taking my medication again, so I did. It was a really disappointing decision to make. I really had such high hopes that it would go well, yet within a week I was so down it was just unbelievable. A few days later I saw my psychiatrist and she basically said that without medication I probably wasn't as "resilient" as I was on it. I agree with her. Since being back on meds for the past 2 weeks my moods have evened out again and I am doing alright now. It is hard because I realize that I need these meds to be stable but I still have this inner battle with myself of not wanting to take them, of wanting to be "normal" like everyone else, but I know that will just never be. So I am trying to accept that this is the way things are and not be upset about it.
So that's where I am now. For the most part I am feeling fine and life is going on. On a sidenote, I didn't manage to quit smoking. Ahhhhh, hell.
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