The best day of my life

Another long day, but today, it was a good one. We are finally starting to settle into somewhat of a routine now that little guy is 2 months old. He generally goes to bed for the night around 8-10 PM and will sleep for a stretch of about 6 hours. A few times he has slept 7 hours. Unfortunately that doesn’t necessarily mean more sleep for me because I still have to either nurse him or pump the milk at some point. But, having him be more predictable is helping a lot. I know that by 10 PM, all 3 kids will be in bed and I at least will have a little bit of time to myself. Sometimes just to clean up, but still, it’s time to have quiet and recharge :)

Having more of a schedule and knowing what to expect is allowing me to start feeling better. It felt like pure chaos up to this point and now things are settling down and I do have some enjoyable days in there instead of feeling like I can’t face anything! I’ve also decided I need to let go of certain ideas. My house is not always going to be clean. My kids aren’t always going to get lunch at 12 noon on the dot. I’m not always going to be able to play when they ask and I’m not always going to have time to look done up and “pretty”. But you know, that’s OK. This is all a stage of life and like any stage in life, especially when it comes to kids, it only lasts a short time and then it is onto something else. Instead of spending my precious moments worrying about toothpaste on the mirror or the stove top being wiped down, I’m going to do what I can with my kids, because that is what truly matters. Are they going to remember that the laundry was washed and folded every single day or not? No. Are they going to remember if I made the time for them, and if they felt important and loved? Yes.

So now, every morning when I wake up, I have already have a mindset of what is going to happen. Before noon is kid time. I spend it nursing my son, playing with him and helping his little brain to grow. I talk with my girls at breakfast and play with them. After lunch, I can start doing more things that I “need” to do but up to that point, I’m not worrying about anything. Whatever happens happens and I’m letting it all go. It’s good for everyone and it’s nice to wake up to kids who are excited to see me instead of their replacements who are whiny and sassy because they aren’t getting any attention or mommy time.

So, today was a good day. Got up and playing with little guy while his sisters were at grandpa's. His smile is the most beautiful thing in the world, hearing him giggle and coo and reach for me. Sorted through some photos to work on some scrapbooks (when I get the time). Reminisced about the last year. My girls came home from spending the night at their grandpa’s after lunch. We all went to town and bought some paint and a storm door to brighten up the front of our house. Baby napped while we shopped, kids ran around like crazy. But it was still a nice time. I didn’t get upset, and I didn’t lose my patience. I just went with it, and we smiled and laughed and examined all the neat things that kids find in the home improvement store that look so big when you’re so little :) Came home, my husband made dinner while I nursed my babe and then the rest of us ate. No tantrums like usual, no “ordering” them to eat. They chowed down until their little bellies were full and I couldn’t have been happier. More talking and laughing and having a generally good time. My girls wanted me to go into our basement and look through some things but I had to clean up dinner first. My daughter, of her own free will, volunteered to help me so that I would have the time to come with her. Only 5, and already a tender hearted one, who loves her mama and wants to help. I melted.

We went downstairs while hubby held the baby, and I didn’t need to do much. Just watch and giggle and they were satisfied. Seeing them play with all their baby toys brought back so many memories…nearly every one of those toys has a picture to go along with it, or a specific memory from way back then. I started to tear up and felt…well, too much for words. We came up and they had dessert while I took my baby and went to nurse him and put him to bed. Holding him there in the darkened bedroom, I reflected on the events of the day and smiled. It was a good day. It doesn’t get much better than this. A thousand things went through my mind as I sat there, holding my precious little one against me so close, listening to him breathe and stroking his warm skin, soft hair. The love I felt was beyond compare. Again, I teared up. I wished I could tell him how much it all meant to me but of course a 2 month old wouldn’t understand. I laid him down but after a few minutes, he fussed. I went back, took him into my bed and nursed him some more. He clung to me as we laid side by side, his blue eyes staring up at mine, his little hand wrapped around my finger, and without words I knew he was saying he loved me, and he needed me and wanted nothing more than to feel that comfort in return. I thought my heart would explode.

Now all my kids are soundly sleeping and I’m sitting here, writing this all down, crying because I’m just so emotional. I want to remember this day, these moments, the moments that go so fast and that mean more than anything to me. These moments of love and warmth and joy and comfort…all the reasons that being a mother is the best thing that has ever happened in my life.