Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Date with my counselor

So, I'm super tired right now but I have to stay up and watch this movie I got from netflix so I can return it in the morning. Haha...it's been quite awhile since I've stayed up past midnight. I used to stay up til 2 or 3 every night. I've always been a night person, I'm guessing a lot of bipolar people are. Although that's not really a good thing considering lack of sleep tends to precipitate mania, or so I've been told by the professionals, and read in some books. So I  know it's better for me to sleep at a decent hour now. For awhile I was on Risperdal and it totally knocked me out like an hour after taking it, so I couldn't even stay up if I wanted to. It's funny how in a way I know a lot about bipolar, but now it's so much more personal so I'm definately learning all there is to know about it. I do think there is a lot of conflicting information out there though, which makes it a little tough.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my counselor. She is great. I like her very much. Growing up I used to want to be a counselor, because I always had an intuitive way of knowing what people were experiencing and being able to sympathize and give advice to people. I figured I'd be a good counselor. Sometimes I still think about it. I'm a bit late in the game now though, at 28, and only 1/2 way through college...we'll see...I change my mind a lot on things like this :)
Anyhow, it's hard to believe I've been seeing her for about half a year now...time flies. Although I'm only seeing her once a month now so that's probably why it seems that way. The last visit she brought up a bipolar support group, which we don't have in my community. She had mentioned it at several visits, saying she had thought of starting one. So she asked if I'd seriously be interested in going if she headed one and I said yes, Then it got her brain rolling and she started talking about other patients and seeing if she could work it all out to make it a reality. It was pretty exciting. I really would like for this to happen, to be able to meet others like me. Truthfully, I've never met anyone else with bipolar, though when I was in the hospital I did meet a lot of other interesting people. Most of them were there with depression or suicidal thoughts though. The man I connected with most, let's call him Aaron (not his real name) had schizophrenia and at first I admit I was freaked out by him. But by the time I left I had this weird bond with him that I will always carry with me. That's a story for another time though. It's just strange how in my whole life, I've never really felt that sort of connection with anyone, and over a mere 5 days he impacted my life forever.

I think it's going to be a short week. Tomorrow is already Thursday. Winter is coming...ugh. I'm not looking forward to it...LOL...this summer has gone by entirely too fast.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Actually blogging now...

Well I suppose it's time I actually start writing on this blog..haha. I have way too much poetry to add, it's going to take me quite awhile, considering I only use this blog once every few days. I'm pretty busy most of the time. My twins are 2.5 years old and trust me, they are a handful. Having twins is a totally crazy experience but as they say, it's twice as hard but you have twice as much love. My husband works out of town 4 days of the week so it's just me taking care of them and occasionally my dad in the evenings. So it can get tiring.

Today actually happens to be my 4th wedding anniversary with my husband Tim. Hard to believe how time flies. It will be almost 5 years since we have been together. He's been there through all my weirdness although truthfully he doesn't really understand at all. I remember when we first got together I asked, "Have you ever thought about killing yourself?" Just hypothetically of course. He just said, "No..." like it was an odd question so I left it at that and realized, hmmm, maybe not all people feel depressed at times and want to die. LOL...I guess til then I figured everyone had those feelings at some point. Guess I was wrong!

I intend on writing more than just poetry in this blog, it's a little disconcerting at first to start sharing my feelings with the public although I'm sure no one is even reading this right now. Haha...I guess that means I can be brutally honest and say whatever the hell comes to my mind!

I'm off to enjoy my few minutes of freedom while the girls are napping. Oh, the busy life...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Only the beginning...

Well here I go...my first official post to my blog. Truthfully, it was my counselor who gave me the idea. We were talking one day about how, although I have supportive people in my life, they just don't seem to understand what I really go through, and so I turn to writing to purge myself of my complicated thoughts and feelings about it all. She suggested I blog about my experiences; about bipolar in general. She thought I'd be a good advocate for others like myself. I don't know about that much, but I do know that starting this blog was a good idea, and it should be interesting to see how it progresses over time.