Well, here I am. I’m in a mood today. I just feel like
wallowing. I can feel that my emotions are quite raw at the moment, and it
seems every sound I hear, and every sight I see is just like a heavy putrid syrup
pouring over my heart and mind, coating it with stickiness I can’t get rid of.
I could try to fight it and put on the fake smile but I just don’t want to
right now. All I want is to sit and ruminate for awhile. And just let it be. I
want to look at the white sky and the snow and float off. Listen to this
melancholy music and watch the parade of images that dance in slow motion
across the backdrop of my skull. Allow it all to occur, all the words that I
don’t want to make sense of…just let them come. Lie around and do absolutely
nothing of any worth. Wallow and bathe myself in these feelings that engulf me.
Let them be and do not try to fight them.
It’s ok, because deep down I know it will not last forever.
In a couple days, I will rise again. I will come up, I will get back on the
horse and live again. I’ll keep striving toward the light. But not today.
